Dealing with grief

Last year I spoke of births and illness that thinned the usual numbers in attendance at the family picnic. This year the one year old babies and health of everyone in attendance was celebrated. My cousin’s wife brought her parents along as well, celebrating the one year survival anniversary of a liver transplant of her father. It is something to celebrate. Although there are no hard set guidelines, generally speaking, transplant patients who survive the first year are expected to continue to indefinitely. They left early, for they had another picnic at their own home with their family and friends to get ready for.

Then we received an unexpected call this morning from my mom, saying that the cousin’s father died after everyone had left their picnic. We just saw him, everyone was saying how good he looked, it was the one year anniversary. My thoughts are of course with her and her family.

Everyone deals with grief differently. My mother tried coercing me into calling, to send my condolences. But there is nothing I could say or do to ease her grief, she has more important people in her life to contact or needs to hear from. But I know from personal experience, that odds are she probably has little desire to talk to anyone besides her immediate family. I do not need to experience her raw sadness, it is a very personal moment and I do not feel I am close enough to her. The most meaningful thing I (we) could do is to donate to a research fund in memoriam of her father that works to find treatment and a cure for the disorder that he was plagued with and runs in their family.

On a positive note, I do have to say, I hope on my last day I will be fortunate enough to be surrounded by friends and family and loved ones, that I will be aware and alert to enjoy and appreciate the contributions they have made on my life and mine on theirs, to enjoy good food and stories and laughs, to be remembered as the vibrant person I am, to be able to connect with everyone, to embrace, to say goodbye. I wish for such a celebration of life in lieu of a funeral that grieves a life lost.